i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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