I cannot find my penis.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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