I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
