I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
