One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
As shirtless as possible
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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