I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
