matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
