You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
