Small penises have feelings too.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
