You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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