i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
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This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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