He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
