You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
