How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
