NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
