The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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