And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
