so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
