By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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