You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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