At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
