people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
