Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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