I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
