my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
