I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
