I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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