when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
