if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
