I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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