Fuck appropriateness.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
