It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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