he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
