I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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