Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
