the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
