her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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