The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
