Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
