She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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