How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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