did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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