I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
