don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
