Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
