Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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