i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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