apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
