I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How does it feel to date your dad?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
