the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
