The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
