the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
