Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
