If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
