omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
