Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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