my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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