I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
