im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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