Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
