What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
