Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
