So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
