hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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