why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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