...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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