Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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