...so i touched it.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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