We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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