how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
