Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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