If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
