the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
