If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she pinky promised me she was 18
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just puked most of my soul out..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
