so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
