when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
